Peace in the Waiting Room

It’s late. My mind is weaving my dreams together with the beautiful dose of reality that She Speaks 2017 generously poured out. I feel the weight of the enormous call of God upon my heart: to speak His truth, to write His truth, for women who are searching for freedom, refreshment, and empowerment. It would be an honor to always point them to the profound truths in the Word of God and His Holy Spirit. Oh Glory Jesus! To you be praised! For YOU Lord have set my heart to dancing, my lips to singing! In you, through you, Jesus I am FREE and my heart is compelled forward to share this freedom with every beautiful daughter of God!

But this ministry begins in my home. HOME! My soul is yearning to be home cuddling my baby girls, whose hearts are the first assignments that God has given me. Ministry is hard, no matter where you are: in the home, at a store, on a stage. It demands sacrifice, submission, obedience…and vast amounts of patience and love! What a gift it is to see motherhood as a ministry full of purpose. It erases the monotony of the daily tasks and shines a light upon the opportunities to encourage faith and character within my babies. The deepest prayer of my heart right this moment is that I will continue in obedience to God’s call in the “right now” while preparing for the future fulfillment of the purposes He has given me. Ultimately, I am praying that one day my girls will be dignified daughters of the King, serving beside me and ministering freedom and love into hearts of those in need. 

So tomorrow, I will drive home, as fast as I legally can, and wrap my arms around my beautiful princesses and baby boy! With a rejuvenated soul and a grateful heart I will return to the mundane tasks of motherhood- all the while allowing God to grow me in wisdom and strength. With a new perspective,  I will be at peace in the waiting room. 

The best of intentions meet the reality of life

Well, hello there! It's been too long... I know... Forgive me! I had the best of intentions back in March. I had hopes and dreams of sharing my heart with you on, at least, a weekly basis! Alas, the reality of life leaves us here, months later with no new posts in over 3 months. 

Currently, I am sitting here typing at a beautiful wooden table my mom gave me, while also watching my children play. These little ones eat up my days as I cycle through the daily routine of feeding them, changing diapers, feeding them, cleaning up messes and folding laundry, feeding them, more diapers and messes...the drudgery of this cycle depletes my soul, while the beauty of their exploration, imaginations and laughter fills me back up. God is good like that, allowing the intangible things of life to be precious gems that restore joy and remind us of our purpose. 

Speaking of purpose, back in May I had a bit of a scare- thyroid cancer! Oh my word, for two weeks I cried, prayed, fasted and refocused my life. The result was a clearer perspective on the things that matter most, followed by a truly incredible miracle of healing. One with MEDICAL PROOF! It's a pretty awesome God story- but not the story for today. 

The story for today is one of obedience and fear. Today I am hopelessly unprepared to leave for my trip to She Speaks 2017. This summer has been busy as I faced my fear of traveling with 3 little ones alone. Though I am refreshed with confidence after overcoming this fear, I am now terrified to attend She Speaks and meet with 3 publishers! But I felt God's call to go, and with my wonderful husband's encouragement, I will present myself as best as I can.

Shhh...I have a secret! I have a fourth baby- a devotional that I wrote two years ago as I laid in bed praying I would not miscarry by baby. Unfortunately I lost my precious child, but in that time a work was born that I truly believe can help refresh the souls of many believers. God was so good to me in that time of sorrow; He gave me inspiration and purpose beyond my dreams! 

The following summer I attended She Speaks 2015 and was so encouraged. I could see my dream coming true...until I arrived home. The day after I arrived home I found out I was pregnant again. I lost that baby a week later. My heart was broken in pieces that only began to mend a month later with the news that I was once again pregnant! I am happy to say that my son Joshua is a healthy 14 month old learning to walk and talk better each day. His birth was followed by our move from Virginia to North Carolina. Which was followed by a tumultuous year of travel, and adjusting to three children while my husband began to prepare for deployment. Then, just as I began to settle in, build community and find time to write, my life was thrown for a loop with the thyroid cancer scare. 

I say this with gratitude, but this past year has broken me! The demands of motherhood, and single parenting in my husband’s absence, have weighed heavily on my heart as I learn to balance my hopes and dreams with the daily tasks I mentioned above. That said, in the limited free time that I could keep my eyes open; I worked to improve my devotional.  Can a creative heart ever find that perfection they so desire? No, I don't think so. But I believe that God can help me arrive to a beautiful point of completion. 

Back in 2012, I chose a birth verse- a bible verse to mediate on as I labored with my first baby. 

2 Timothy 1:7For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. 

This has become my life verse!  Just a day ago, as I was overwhelmed by everything I needed to complete before heading to She Speaks on Thursday morning, I turned my car on and the radio host's voice blared through, declaring 2 Timothy 1:7 and a spirit of peace settled upon me. I will not dwell with a spirit of fear (or stress!)...but of power, love and self-control.

And that is my prayer. Whether the publishers take an interest in my work or not, I will continue to persevere in obedience and self- control. I will overcome my fear of rejection. Because the God of the Universe has chosen me and inspired me to write (even if its once every three months!), I will declare that the only approval I truly need comes from Him. I hope you believe this too! 

~Blessings and Peace~

Jenny

Sharing GOOD News!

It wasn’t long ago that I felt an enormous call on my life to write and speak for Jesus. I say this humbly, because in fact we are all called to speak of Jesus and our testimonies of Him! We are each encouraged to use our special gifts and talents for the purpose of His kingdom.  Yet, I’ve known for over nine years that my call was to women’s ministry as a speaker and writer. I have grappled with fear and insecurity, pushing down the impulses to speak out. I was denying my true self and as a consequence I have dealt with a lingering unhappiness. I was not fulfilled because I was not walking in obedience to God’s directive. I confess today, I have not been a faithful maidservant to my King. I have made excuses and ignored directives. The GOOD news is that God has not given up on me! Tonight, as I sit at tiny table at Panera, enjoying a quiet meal alone (YAY for a wonderful babysitter!) I am ready to take this leap of faith and proclaim that I will speak as the prophets have since the days of old: I will be bold. I will speak biblical truths and share my life’s experiences as I walk in devotion to Jesus.

Tonight, I will re-launch my blog and share with the world! This is all because I obeyed when God instructed me to write and essay for Relevant Pages Press Motherhood Anthology contest. I almost didn’t do it. I tried twice. One idea never came to fruition. The second was poured out of my soul after a long and terrible day of mothering. I decided not to submit it. But the day the submission was due; the Holy Spirit was on me so strongly and would not allow me to push down the regret already welling up inside of me. So with three hours to spare, I edited my second essay and submitted it within minutes of the deadline.

The following day I woke up sick with a horrible cold. I lost my voice.  And yet, I had found the courage to use my voice through the written word. As I waited and recovered from the horrible attack on my immune system, peace settled upon me. I was not anxious to find out. I just knew that this essay would either confirm that yes this is what God wanted me to do, or no, my calling was elsewhere. Fifteen days later, I found out that YES, my essay had been selected for publication! YES, this was my calling! YES, God was going to bless my humble efforts for HIS glory. The next day I was sick and I lost my voice.

There are no coincidences in God’s kingdom. That’s what my momma has always told me. So I look at the attack against my voice as a sign that the enemy of my soul is scared of me stepping into my God given calling. That makes it even more exciting to see where God is going to lead me.  I hope that you will take this journey with me, and that you will be blessed by my humble obedience.

For information on the upcoming Motherhood Anthology visit: http://www.relevantpagespressllc.com/anthology