Well, hello there! It's been too long... I know...
Forgive me! I had the best of intentions back in March. I had hopes and dreams
of sharing my heart with you on, at least, a weekly basis! Alas, the reality of
life leaves us here, months later with no new posts in over 3 months.
Currently, I am sitting here typing at a beautiful
wooden table my mom gave me, while also watching my children play. These little
ones eat up my days as I cycle through the daily routine of feeding them,
changing diapers, feeding them, cleaning up messes and folding laundry, feeding
them, more diapers and messes...the drudgery of this cycle depletes my soul,
while the beauty of their exploration, imaginations and laughter fills me back
up. God is good like that, allowing the intangible things of life to be
precious gems that restore joy and remind us of our purpose.
Speaking of purpose, back in May I had a bit of a
scare- thyroid cancer! Oh my word, for two weeks I cried, prayed, fasted and
refocused my life. The result was a clearer perspective on the things that
matter most, followed by a truly incredible miracle of healing. One with
MEDICAL PROOF! It's a pretty awesome God story- but not the story for
today.
The story for today is one of obedience and fear.
Today I am hopelessly unprepared to leave for my trip to She Speaks 2017. This
summer has been busy as I faced my fear of traveling with 3 little ones alone.
Though I am refreshed with confidence after overcoming this fear, I am now
terrified to attend She Speaks and meet with 3 publishers! But I felt God's
call to go, and with my wonderful husband's encouragement, I will present
myself as best as I can.
Shhh...I have a secret! I have a fourth baby- a
devotional that I wrote two years ago as I laid in bed praying I would not
miscarry by baby. Unfortunately I lost my precious child, but in that time a
work was born that I truly believe can help refresh the souls of many
believers. God was so good to me in that time of sorrow; He gave me inspiration
and purpose beyond my dreams!
The following summer I attended She Speaks 2015 and
was so encouraged. I could see my dream coming true...until I arrived home. The
day after I arrived home I found out I was pregnant again. I lost that baby a
week later. My heart was broken in pieces that only began to mend a month later
with the news that I was once again pregnant! I am happy to say that my son
Joshua is a healthy 14 month old learning to walk and talk better each day. His
birth was followed by our move from Virginia to North Carolina. Which was
followed by a tumultuous year of travel, and adjusting to three children while
my husband began to prepare for deployment. Then, just as I began to settle in,
build community and find time to write, my life was thrown for a loop with the
thyroid cancer scare.
I say this with gratitude, but this past year has
broken me! The demands of motherhood, and single parenting in my husband’s
absence, have weighed heavily on my heart as I learn to balance my hopes and
dreams with the daily tasks I mentioned above. That said, in the limited free
time that I could keep my eyes open; I worked to improve my devotional.
Can a creative heart ever find that perfection they so desire? No, I
don't think so. But I believe that God can help me arrive to a beautiful point
of completion.
Back in 2012, I chose a birth verse- a bible verse
to mediate on as I labored with my first baby.
2 Timothy 1:7For
God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and
self-control.
This has become my life verse! Just a day
ago, as I was overwhelmed by everything I needed to complete before heading to
She Speaks on Thursday morning, I turned my car on and the radio host's voice
blared through, declaring 2 Timothy 1:7 and a spirit of peace settled upon me.
I will not dwell with a spirit of fear (or stress!)...but of power, love and
self-control.
And that is my prayer. Whether the publishers take
an interest in my work or not, I will continue to persevere in obedience and
self- control. I will overcome my fear of rejection. Because the God of the
Universe has chosen me and inspired me to write (even if its once every three
months!), I will declare that the only approval I truly need comes from Him. I
hope you believe this too!
~Blessings and Peace~
Jenny
